Mid-August Sadness

I’ve never been a big fan of summer. My SAD definitely takes hold. The heat is way too much for me. Maybe I am a vampire. But seriously, I liked school, I liked the structure, I liked having the opportunity to see my (albeit small amount of) friends. Summer threw all of that out.

As an adult, I still don’t like summer. And I particularly dislike the month of August. It was the month I was laid off in 2018. There was a serious work problem at my job in 2019 in August. I basically start the month holding my breath and praying nothing worse happens. We’re halfway through, and I’m still nervous about making it to September in one piece.

September always feels like a fresh start. I can’t seem to get over that mindset even though again, as an adult, I know I can start over at any time. And in some ways, I do. I began to realize that September is a good time to start new habits in preparation of the new year. My birthday is another fresh start of sorts. There are so many trial periods for me! Probably not a good sign that at age 37, I still can’t manage to hold down certain routines! Oh well!

A few months back, I was deep in research on how to overhaul my planner system and actually keep a focus habit down. During this research, I was reminded about how our society wants us to keep optimizing our lives because ultimately, it will lead to us buying more, more, more! So maybe constantly wanting to find “better” ways of living isn’t the right way.

But I do really need to get better at focusing. I’ve put time limits on certain apps on my phone. I now set up a “relax” mode so that after work, I’m not constantly doomscrolling (however, I do pull up Bluesky on my laptop…this is progress). And I found a cute new app called Focus Friend which is helping me more at work.

I will likely never get out of the school starts in September mentality and always want to make improvements, but I also want to give myself more grace. My life will never be optimized to the fullest, and that’s OKAY.