Let Women Be Messy

At the end of April, I went to an early screening of Another Simple Favor (a fun sequel if you enjoyed the first one). There was a Q&A with director Paul Feig afterward that I liked because he works on good films and has an interesting perspective on the industry. I want to talk about one of his answers in particular.

I can’t remember the question exactly. I think it had to do with making changes based on test audiences, and Feig revealed one major change in 2019’s Last Christmas. Apparently, the original cut had Emilia Clarke’s character Kate being more of a mess than how she is in the final cut. He said that the test audience, especially women, were not responding well to her character being a “mess”. So, he worked with screenwriter Emma Thompson (yes, THAT Emma Thompson) to change the character to be less messy. (And I know that Thompson probably hated that note given to how much she has played and written complicated, messy women)

When he gave that answer, it was like being punched in the gut. I actually said out loud, “That happens in real life too”, because women (and I’ll admit this I do this too!) are extremely judgmental toward other women and more so when they are perceived as “messy”. And sometimes it’s not even their fault!

Take Last Christmas. Honestly, I haven’t thought about the movie much since I first saw it. I found it very cute due to Clarke and Henry Golding’s charming performances, but not a new holiday favorite for me. In the film, Kate had a heart transplant due to illness, and we meet her about a year later. After going through a medical crisis like that, it affects your brain. Your mental health. Kate was acting out due to those reasons, not because she wanted to blow up her life.

And I think about when I call my life a mess, but my “messy” ways don’t present as they might within others. I don’t drink or do drugs. I don’t have multiple sexual partners. I’ve had periods of underemployment, but not by choice. A lot of my “mess” has to do with making poor decisions based on information I thought was good at the time. And this is directly linked to my own mental health issues.

I’ve lost friends due to my depression and anxiety and inability to “fix” my life. This was after a layoff, a move, the pandemic, bad living situations, car accidents, and other things completely outside my control. When these things pile up, you realize how many people only respond when you’re winning, when your life is Instagram-able, perfect. But that’s not life. Life is full of mess, and we desperately need to be more understanding.

As May is Mental Health Awareness Month, I figured this would be a nice way to kick things off. Next time you encounter a person, especially a woman, that you want to write off as a mess, put yourself in their shoes. Show some compassion, empathy. You never know what is going on in another person’s life, and that we’re all merely trying to get by in a world that constantly is wearing us down.

Thanks for reading! Hope you’re all doing well.